"You can also learn about ways to balance your beliefs. The tips in this notebook will help you even when we are not available," Mrs. Smith's granddaughter said, giving her a notebook with a family photo stuck on the cover.

You may want to read the following chapters in the notebook.

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Ways to balance all-or-nothing thinkingExpand

What is all-or-nothing thinking?

  • It means making extreme either/or statements, such as saying things are either right or wrong, good or bad.

How to balance such a belief?

  • Find other options.

Example:

  • "I am a bad person if I don't take care of him directly because I am his wife."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "Although I cannot take care of him directly, I can still show my love and care for him by..."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I am a loving and caring wife."
Ways to balance overgeneralisationExpand

What is overgeneralisation?

  • It means seeing all things negatively and generalising over things that seldom happen as rules.

How to balance such a belief?

  • Find exceptions.

Example:

  • "My daughter will have dementia because he has it. What can I do?"
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "(Someone) also has dementia but his children don't have it. I don't need to worry that much."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "My daughter may not develop dementia. I don't need to worry that much."
Ways to balance "should" statementsExpand

What are "should" statements?

  • They occur when one includes the words "should," "should not," and "ought to" in statements.

How to address the situation?

  • Think in the opposite direction.

Example:

  • "I should not bother my children because they have their own lives."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "Although my children have their own lives, I can still ask for help from them because we are a family."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I have the choice to ask for help from them or not to ask."
Ways to balance catastrophisingExpand

What is catastrophising?

  • It means always believing things will turn for the worst or that everything is no big deal.

How to balance such a belief?

  • Find exceptions.

Example for believing things will turn for the worst:

  • "He will soon be chair-bound if he doesn't do physical exercise every day. We will be in big trouble."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "He will soon be chair-bound if he doesn't do physical exercise every day. We will be in big trouble."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "He did not do any physical exercise the other day, but nothing dramatic happened. Maybe it is OK for him to skip one day."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I have the choices to continue worrying or to start thinking about how to persuade him tomorrow."

Example for believing that everything is no big deal:

  • "It is normal for old people to stumble along. It is no big deal."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "(Someone) is also in his eighties, but he walks fast and vigorously. Maybe being old doesn't mean he has to stumble along."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I have the choice to continue to shrug off his condition or to consult a physician or physiotherapist."
Ways to balance personalisationExpand

What is personalisation?

  • It means regarding everything as one's own responsibility.

How to balance such a belief?

  • Identify the source of the belief.

Example:

  • "He refuses to eat because my cooking is poor. It is all my fault."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "I was never told by others that my cooking is poor. Maybe it is not my fault that he refuses to eat."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I have the choice to continue being unhappy or to relax and consult a physician or physiotherapist about his condition."
Ways to balance mind readingExpand

What is mind reading?

  • It means deciding what someone else is thinking or how things would be without any validation.

How to balance such thinking?

  • Find evidence.

Example:

  • Applying for social services will not help." (Although she had limited understanding about available services.)
  • A positive and more adaptive belief:
    "Some people said social services are of no use to them, others said social services rescued them. Maybe I should not think that they cannot help us."
  • A positive and more adaptive belief for oneself:
    "I have the choice to continue taking care of him without getting any help, or I can try to understand what is available and may be of help to us."
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